Update from Qudus' blog

Jul 28, 2008

My analyst told me...

My Analyst told me that I have ego problem, he said I need some attention, someone to probably save me from myself, the way he described it, he said i'm too much into my head, that i'm not easily led from my crazy ideas, and my tempers are just bizarre.

  • I looked at him furiously, I tranquilly picked up the wooden chair I was sitting on and carefully stroke it against his shinning forehead, his glasses that were thickk enough to read my mind were broken into particles and all over the floor was filled with blood...

That was exactly what I got in mind for him, but I knew I wouldn't dare that, I just asked him “what's so strange if you found out that you're already a brainiac at the age of four ?”
I had a brain and that was insane, I had a dream and that was atypical.
He also refer to my ex's analysis of who she thinks I am, she said and he quotes “... he is that kind of guy that creeps upon a girl, make them feel loved and let them down when they begin to fall for him, we have been together for two years and he hardly say “I Love you” I think he also has that problem”

I picked up my phone, rang Hajarat to tell her how much I love her, miss her and promise to make the queen of my life...

My Analyst thinks he can put me in a box, so he can say “...alright this is who you are” but I get him so pissed, 'cos my complexity is not just making his job easy. I asked again “what will you do if you have a temperament that will not just let you be, I mean one that could just turn your five year old dreams of BLUE to RED in just one hour? A temperament that doesn't conform to any written rule, culture, nation, notion, religion, philosophy, profession etc. One that makes an African feel American at times when in Europe, or feels European when in America and something else when in Africa, one that makes a dancer wear the cap of a circus artiste, take up the job of a writer and critiquing, in the next moment making documentary film and writing poetry and making street art, and taking up the expertees of a sociologist and preaching the gospel of Islam, quoting Fela Kuti and the bible, and spends all day listening to Bob Marley and Obesere while socializing on facebook and soliloquise on the stage. Yet trying so hard to remain simple, 'cos i'm in the process of establishing my truth, accuracy and validation of something that circulates around my existence which i can never verify if it is right or wrong".

My analyst will not give up, 'cos he need to authenticate his hard earned degrees, my analyst thought he was accessing a young man who is pretending to know what he wants. NO, that's where he got it all wrong, because one thing I know is that I am a successful young man that doesn't know precisely what he wants but doing all he can to reject completely those things he doesn't want.

My Analyst told me I got an ego problem, I sat back, I was tranquil, fixed my gaze on him and I see smiles forcing their way out of my upper lips, I watch his lips dangle with passions like a performer of rap music, but this is a full grown man that knows his onion, meanwhile, I was long gone in my world of thoughts, I feel so high, I even touch the sky...

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